Toothpaste all over the sink???? But why? And HOW?!?!

For some reason the last few nights I've been up late piddling about tidying up and working on projects while the littles slumber. The house is quiet except for when the fish tries jumping out of the tank, or the kitties cry from the door to get in for cuddles. Yes I have cats...don't tell my dad! :) But when one lives on a farm there are certain things once must have....cats (thus kittens) being one of them! but hey...no mice!

Today I was tidying up the bathroom and picking up (for the millionth time) band aid wrappers, caught drop wrappers, wet towels, forgotten hair ties, and shoes (because one can't possibly wash ones cute tiny hands while wearing shoes right?!), and started asking "why".  Why is it it's hard to look just to ones left for the trashcan to throw wrappers away? Why does one need to be barefoot to wash her hands? Oh yeah, this one is a daily question....why in the world is it necessary to wipe toothpaste allllllll over the sink, the counter, AND the faucet when one brushes ones teeth?!!!! I see the mouthwash lid-less. Dollops of lotion along the counter, and even the cupboard door.  Oh and back to that toothpaste....someone felt it was art worthy and drew a little picture on the countertop using it! I wonder if there's a way to "frame" it?!?!


And after I ask all those "why"s....I remind myself: I probably did all that too when I was their age!!!!!!!!

The calm of being near water....

They say a picture can say a thousand words, and this one does and more. I'm having a hard time putting words to my heart feels this morning. Mornings at the lake tend to make me reflect more than I'd planned, not in a sad and crushing way, but in a calm, peaceful, contented way. I went off the grid this week for the first time in years, and it felt restful!!! No phone calls, not checking texts or social media, no checking my phone in case our foster support worker were to call or text, no constant draw of my mind elsewhere. 

I was there. There IN each moment. Restful. Content. It's like the feeling of coming up for air after holding your breath so long you forgot that you were. One thousand words isn't enough to describe this week. No having to tell my girls "just a minute Mama is working", no waving to my husband as he heads off to work, no being pulled in twenty different directions mentally. Rest. Renewing. Connecting.

There's always been something about a body of water that makes the worries of this world dissipate, even if that current body of water is a man made puddle! It brings calm. The feeling of the wind on my face, the spray of the water in the air and splashing on my face.  Sitting on the sand of the beach while the waves lap around my ankles keeping me present as the morning creeps along, thankfully so slowly!

This past year has been one that it’s not easy to summaries. We’ve had 7 (8 now, since I delayed posting this and 2 more come tomorrow) bonus kiddos come through our door; all for different lengths of time yet all so loved. We’ve added pets to our family, lost baby kittens, expanded our backyard fun activities. We were pregnant again for the 6th time and again the baby didn’t make it past 16 weeks. We’ve taken trips to visit family on both sides of the country, had wonderful family time, and enjoyed every moment! We've filled our calendar with activities, run up the miles on our truck, and overflowed our hearts with relationship! I'm all for being busy if it's relational, which in our line of life it tends to be!!

This year all four of us couldn't agree more on how this was our best lake time yet! We bonded on whole new levels of relationship. My girls are a whole year older, and boy does it change!!! Miss K talks non-stop from eyes open, to brain sleeping! She's smarter than she knows and is interested in everything and how things work and anything that needs to be inspected! Miss R likes to know she's not forgotten about and when she thinks no ones watching (but know we secretly still are), she gets all silly dancing and pretending her own story lines! 

Growing up my family had a houseboat and I remember so many many summer days spent on it. Being around water has been part of my whole life! To the point that when I realized Kansas is a land locked state....I cried buckets. Well, cry no more Alie, we have water! :) It may be more pond-esc than one's used to, but it's got water, and waves, and shore line!! :) 

Watching my girls jumping in the water, swimming together, and enjoying being with us, makes my heart sing. It's healing balm on a weary soul. 

This past year has been tiring. We've stretched our wings in fostering, found our limits, what we can't handle even when we want to, and now we've found what works. But it took a tole too. We grew weary much faster than we expected. But now we've found ways to ensure balance, time to breath, time to recharge. We've found our limits. And found peace within those limits. I'll tell you what, fostering and keeping in mind 1 Corinthians 10:23 (“Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible,” but not everything builds up.) is a daily internal battle. Oh yes taking in every sweet little face that we get a call about could be so good, it's definitely permissible. But...and here's where my heart and my head do battle....just because it's permissible, does NOT mean that its beneficial to my family, it does NOT mean it builds MY OWN children up. Yes it could be good, but at what cost? That's where my heart tries to down play how the challenges of parenting someone else's child can take a told on our original family unit. I can spin things to sound great, helpful for the child we could take in, and what a great thing we could be doing for them. But if our family unit falls apart, or grows so weary in the doing of good, then it really isn't "good". its permissible yes, but neither beneficial nor building up.  So without spilling out the rest of the ocean of that back story (like the body of water reference!) lets just say we've found what works for us in this fostering adventure!!!! Some days/weeks/months look different than others, but we stand united and strong together in it! :) 

Proverbs 19:21  You can make many plans, but the LORD'S purpose will prevail. 

When life isn't all cupcakes and rainbows

"Will you love this child as your own, as if you birthed them?"

That question was asked of us when we adopted each of our two daughters.  And my answer was a resounding "YES!"!!! Of course I would! Why wouldn't I? I would be her Mama until the day God called me to eternity.

Now fast forward 7 years....and I asked myself "Will I love these children as my own?" What if they don't love me back? What if I can't break through the hard exterior that's protecting their wounded heart? What if they leave and never remember me? What if it hurts? What if I'm not their mama until the day I die? What if...? What if...?

If everyone waited for their "what if" questions to be answered before doing anything, nothing would get done. If we let the unknown hold us in fear, we become paralyzed and unable to even move one step.  I have an uncle who plans our for every possible scenario when planning events or making plans. He takes every possible worst case scenario, every "what if" into through as he moves forward with planning.  He doesn't let the "what if" possibilities keep him for moving forward, but plans possibilities of what they might look like.

Planning for the unknown (which seems like an oxymoron) is kinda like this: you're on a road trip in your car but you don't know where you're going or how to get there. Who does that??? A lot of us actually, often without realizing it.  I often describe to the young women I mentor that trying to follow God's will for us is like this road trip. (Disclaimer: this is not my own analogy, I think I heard it years ago) So when you're driving through life and you come to a split in the road, and you have to make a decision, what do you do? Both ways could be wonderful, both could glorify God, both could bear much fruit, both are honorable, both you could do so much good along. So now what? Do you park your car and wait for the Almighty to light up the path you're to go along? Do you flip a coin? Do you wait for God to pick your car up and set in the direction you're to go? All these options are considered when you have put your car in park. Can a parked car be moved? NO! It must be in gear, even in neutral it can at least be rolled.  If we have faith as small as a mustard seed, then to choose either way in faith IS following God.  Don't we believe that God's so powerful that even if we choose a path that's not what He wants us on, He can redirect us! Even if we don't know exactly what we're getting ourselves into, at least going forward is choosing to have faith. It's much easier to redirect a moving car than a parked one. :) (yes there are many holes in this, but it makes sense as I process)

So now fast forward those 7 years I mentioned earlier... Will I love the children that come and go through our home? Our answer was "YES". Not because we knew we could, not because we thought we could fix them, not because we thought we are these amazing people/parents, not because of anything other than God asked us to.  Does it hurt? YES. Does it wreck our hearts? YES, daily. Does it frustrate us when we see just how broken the system is? Yes. But if we let fear (of some very real things) paralyze us and keep us from opening up our home to these children, we aren't trusting God that He's powerful enough to mend our hearts, bind up our wounds, and carry us through heartache. If we make a difference in even one child's life then it's all worth it.

Not every child has a heartbreaking story. We've had some really positive outcomes with some, and that's been amazing to be part of! And that helps carry us through the pain of others.

Monday we are going to be letting go of one of our littles that is moving on from our home. We've loved him so so so much, made memories with him over these past 7 months. But his social workers have decided that a different home is best for him so he can be with his older sibling. We knew this was a possibility when older sister moved on to a better placement.

Ever child that comes through our home will be here for a time that God has determined. We don't know how long that is, and we have chosen to love anyway. Ugh! I read a blog another foster mom wrote around the time we received our first placement. She titled it "Foster care will wreck you". Yeah, I knew in theory it could. Little did I know just how true that statement is, how daily it wrecks me. Each child comes with their own story, their own trauma, their own joys and sorrows. And with each child I open my heart up to love I am wrecked all over again.

Jesus never once said that following Him would be cupcakes and rainbows (by the way, that movie stole my line I've said for years!!), he never promised it would even be easy! But two promises that remains true no matter how many times my heart is wrecked are these:

Deuteronomy 31:6  "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Malachi 3:6 “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed."


So from these two promises I can have confidence that no matter how many times my heart is wrecked, heartache will not break me completely.

And so...I'll eat cupcakes and I'll look for rainbows.

It's ok to cry

Oh sweet girl. Tonight I held you as you cried. You sobbed. As if your heart was breaking, which probably is pretty accurate. my heart hurts for you. For the pain and horrible reasons for why you have to be in our home. We are glad you are; glad we can keep you safe right now. But I'd be scared just like you if id been taken out of the only home I'd know even, even if it was done to keep me safe, from being hurt. Oh sweet girl, how I wish I could take your fear and hurt away. I pray out loud, hoping it might bring peace to the tangled mix of emotions. You can't really express anything verbally except to say "I miss home". What does home mean to you? What about "home" do you miss? I wish I could see what you picture in your mind. Do you see past the pain and imagine it to be what you want it to be instead? Do you push back the pain of feeling unsafe and see the only version of family you've ever known?
You barely know me, but you still cling to me at every turn throughout the day today, never letting me out of your sight. As these sobs wrack your tiny little body, you cling to my neck wanting to be held. I sing to you songs of a savior who loves you. Do you know He does? Do you know that no matter how skewed your idea of a father is, God is the safest father you could ever know.
Oh sweet girl I'm so sorry. Sorry that you weren't protected. Sorry that you at your young age had to already protect your little brother. Sorry that we live in a fallen world and I can't fix it all for you. I'm sorry you're scared. I'm sorry your heart hurts.
It's ok to cry sweet girl. Let all those tears flow. Not one will be wasted. You may not understand now, but I pray one day you will. I pray that you will understand how valuable you are, that you have amazing worth. You are created in God's image. Beautiful and perfect in His sight.
You barely know me, but I love you already.
It's ok to cry. It will help you sleep tonight. You'll become too tired to worry or be scared. Let the tears fall as your eyes give way to sleep. Rest tonight knowing you are safe. No one will hurt you tonight. You are safe in my arms tonight sweet girl.
Tonight you are safe. It's ok to cry.

Counting down to Court!!!!

John 14:27 ^"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

Friday we have our court hearing to finalize Ruthie's adoption! Her legal name is already Ruth Joy Kroeker (a very special gift from her wonderful birthmother), but this will mean that legally the state recognizes us as her parents! She's been our daughter from the moment that S placed her in our arms, but this means no figurative looking over the shoulder! 

Before Friday can take place, our lawyer needs to receive a couple certificates & affidavits to verify that we've exhausted all avenues of contacting birth father.  The certificates have all been received, but we're still waiting the affidavit from the independent counsel who's verifying it all.  If it's received by Thursday we are all set for our hearing! 

Prayer requests:

* Please pray that all necessary documents are received by Thursday so we don't have to postpone our court hearing.

* Please continue to pray for S (birthmother) as she has started a new chapter in her life. She's decided it's best for her to have some space for a while, and we're supportive of her in that. Please pray for her as her heart still is going through different emotions at different moments. She's an amazingly strong woman.


Thank you!!! We're so blessed to have you all praying for us!!!

Love,
The Kroekers!

Our girl is all smiles!!! She started grinning at us at 6 weeks old! We love it!

Sister love!! Karis just adores being a big sister!

Family time at our favorite type of venue! The zoo!!!

Mother's Day with my girls!

She's here!!!!!

We are proud to announce that our daughter Ruth Joy Kroeker is here!  Ruthie was born Thursday March 27th at 8:08PM!! Labor and delivery went well and birthmom did amazingly!! After 24 hours in the hospital we were able to bring our precious baby girl home! Karis is such a proud big sister & we are thrilled to be parents of two beautiful, happy girls!! We are home and settling into life as a family of 4. Thank you all for all your prayers and encouragement during the past year and half we've been praying for this baby!

Love,
Cheyenne, Alison, Karis & Ruthie

Waiting Still

So, with all the anticipation of an upcoming due date and anticipated baby arrival, we now have to wait again! :)

This week our birthmom had her weekly doctor appointment.  Her OB went over all her sonograms and charts and determined that we've still got a couple more weeks to wait for this baby girl to arrive! Good news is that both S and baby girl are healthy and baby is growing just as she should!

The good news is, birthmom is much less anxious about when this baby is going to be born! She was so worried about going too far past her due date, but now her perspective is that of peace! That in itself is a big praise!!

Please continue to pray for S and baby!!! :)

Good things are worth the wait!!!!

And still we wait!

Here we are, just a few days away from our perspective due date and we are daily practicing patience!!! :)

I'm still in daily contact with S and she is about as anxious and ready for this baby girl to be born as we are! She's very uncomfortable and baby is running out of room as she continues to grow!

Much prayer has been covering this entire adoption and all involved. We are so thankful for your prayers. Thank YOU! Some days we are so filled with peace, and other days we NEED your prayers to feel that peace. 

Any day now

Our precious little girl is due in 10 days and has already gotten us jumping at a moments notice! :)
We are remaining excited and hopeful that this is the baby that God has picked out for us!

Last weekend we through she was getting ready so we made the drive down to where S lives so we were close! There was a big storm heading our way and we didn't want to get snowed in and not make it just in case!!! Turns out we got a good practice run in and still have to wait!!

But continue waiting we must because baby girl is taking her sweet time!! She's growing and healthy and content in the womb for now!

We're ready and anxious, but trusting that as we wait, God is continuing to prepare our hearts to bring home this precious baby girl and working in our birthmother's heart as she prepares to make a very difficult, brave decisions.

All is going great! I (Alison) am talking and texting with S daily and getting to know more about her. Sharing stories about our kids (she has a couple already), talking about favorite foods, and learning a bit about each other. S says daily that she's confident in her choice of an adoption plan. She wants us super involved and has asked that we be at the hospital when baby is born and care for baby while at the hospital! We are excited! And aren't taking any of this for granted.

Please continue praying for S and baby as time for delivery gets close!

The BIG Announcement!!!! ....before the biggest one! :)

GOD is SOOOOOO Good!!!!!!!!!!! But of course we knew that already! :) He always is. Always good, always faithful, always knowing exactly what we need & when we need it.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

This is TRUE! We've always known this to be true, and today we revel in it!!!!


********************************************************************************

An amazing praise came this week through some very very special people in our lives! We've received a grant from a foundation that will cover our finalization costs!!!!!! This means that unless any surprise costs arise we have raised/saved every penny we need for our adoption costs!!!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD who provides all things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have reached our fundraising goal!!!!!!! We've raise all of the $28,000 that we need for our adoption!!!

It's the strangest feeling knowing that we've reached our goal. No more working extra for my hubby, no more grant writing or petitioning for, no more garage sales, no more creative fundraisers! God has provided ALL we need!!!

Psalm 23:1 is one of my favorite verses: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

Another way to say it is: The Lord is my shepherd; I have all I need". Everything we need God provides.

We can never ever in a million years thank each of you who've partnered with us enough for how grateful we are to you! We know many of you sacrificed in order to help us and we don't take that lightly. Our hearts are overwhelmed with gratitude! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

5 weeks, 3 days....

We are counting down again. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but then I decided that if God is on this roller coaster with us, then I need to have faith and jump in! :) Easier said than done.

The last time I wrote a count down post was days before my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I've been reflecting a LOT over the past week.  1 week ago last night we spoke with S on the phone for the first time and became officially matched; committed to each other throughout this adoption process.  Over the past week she and I have gotten to know each other a bit better through phone calls and texts. She is a sweet young woman. A woman our daughter will be proud to call her birthmother.

My head has been a mix of emotions and thoughts the past few days. What if S can't go through with this? What if we get our hearts broken again? What if ___? What if? What if?  I've cried out to God asking Him all my what if's, not expecting to hear a response, though at the same time desperately wishing for an audible voice responding to my cries.  This morning Karis and I were having our morning Bible time and through the verses I read I knew I was receiving my answer.  Even if my "what if" happened, or any of them did for that matter, what then? Would God leave me alone to figure it out? Would He abandon me? No way!!! He never will! This is all part of HIS plan! The good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow.

A sweet friend humbled me to my knees this morning when she told me I was a godly example to her and if any good has come out of our failed adoption in November, is that it's taught her so much about trusting God and having faith. Who am I to be a godly example? I fail daily. But what has stuck with me all day as I jumble her words over and over in my head and heart, GOOD has come out of that pain. Already! Only 3 months later. And yes, I know other good has come out of it, but to tangibly feel it this morning was humbling, because who am I that God would choose to use me to glorify himself?

How does what happened in November effect how we respond to this new possibility? Do we hold back to protect our hearts just in case? Do we embrace the excitement, planning and joy sharing of preparing for a new baby? Is there a middle? I've been trying to figure this out since last week, and all I can come up with is this: if this is God's plan for growing our family, if this is the baby girl God has picked out for us, then holding back would diminish the Glory due to God. And if this doesn't work out, then God will be there to help us pick up the pieces again, and we will be surrounded with the best support system in those around us ever created!

Reading back over what I've written, I think it's more of a 'writing to process the craziness in my head' journalling than anything. ;) So pardon me if I'm not making sense! :)

And here we go again.....holding on tight!!!

Dear family and friends,

Remember that roller coaster ride we all decided to get on to many months ago?
Would you please come aboard with us again?
 
Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.
 
On Wednesday night, we were blessed to have a heartfelt conversation with a birth mom (S) residing in the KC area. She is due on March 16^th! And it's a girl!

As our time with S over the phone progressed, we began to see a heart, not only concerned for her unborn baby, but also for our family’s heart. She intimated that she knew of the pain we had just experienced and assured us that this would not result in that. Though it was music to our ears, we know full well where our assurance rests.

We traveled to KC to stay at Alison’s brother’s place this past weekend. Then Saturday morning, where we introduced ourselves to the birth mom and began a journey of connection that will be lifted palms up to the Lord. We are committed to expressing our devotion to Christ.

Our time with S and her mother L was wonderful! They both have wonderful faith in our Lord and know that He is in the midst of all of these plans.  She is living on the bare minimum and isn't asking for much assistance at all. We are making sure that her needs are met. She is living with her mother currently and will until she finds a job in a couple months. It's a blessing for her to have her mom, who is so proud of her and the strength neither of them knew was in S! L is super supportive of S's decision to choose adoption & is wanting to help the process in any way she can.  At one point in the conversation Cheyenne felt the Spirit strongly impressing upon him to express our commitment to this baby and her in this adoption process.  The relief that was visible on S & L's faces nearly brought us to tears. They were so afraid we might be the ones to change our minds. S wants us to start talking about "our baby". She said her perspective is that God chose this baby for us the moment she was conceived! What a gift!!! Her wish is that our relationship with her progress naturally and that we can all enjoy the excitement of our daughter's nearing birth!

We are staying in close touch, and even since Saturday's visit, S has been texting and calling Alison frequently, getting to know each other & getting comfortable with each other. S has a beautiful heart! She's been through so much and sees God redeeming so much in her life through this adoption! 

There is so much that would be so exciting to share, and as the Lord leads we might, but for now we hold the rest closely to our hearts as it is our daughter's story to one day tell! I would never want to steal that from her! 


As we progress through the next few weeks please be living us all up in prayer!

Pray for opportunities to share the power of His truth in love.
Pray that we will be sensitive to her needs.
Pray that there are opportunities to point her to scripture that assures us of our eternal position through our spiritual adoption in Christ.
Pray for our hearts and emotions.


Psalm 125:2

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
    so the Lord surrounds his people
    both now and forevermore.

Thank you for your love and support through this! We are blessed beyond measure!
Cheyenne, Alison and Karis

Continuing in HOPE and FAITH

We are starting this new year in full faith that no matter what the future holds God will provide. And so as we step out in that we trust His promise to always be with us. We pick up the pieces, heal and keep going. Yes our hearts have been hurt, yes we've lost a large chuck of funds that had gone to pay for the precious birthmothers living expenses, but we will not be discouraged or give up. As we say in our house "Kroekers don't Quit"! :)

Out of what we had already raised ($25,000) we STILL HAVE the $10,000 we've raised through church/Lifesong, our $8,000 matching fee DOES roll over through our matching agency, and we have lost the $7,000 was already paid to our birthmother for travel to Kansas & living expenses for 4 months. So out of the $25,000 raised, we only need to re-raise $7,000, which in the adoption world is part of the risk of domestic adoption.

And so we continue fundraising and trusting that in God's timing He will bring us together with the right birthmom.

Lifesong for Orphans is still continuing to commit to helping us raise the funds we need and providing tax deductible receipts. We've currently raised $7000, through Lifesong, $2500 of which is our matching grant! You can still use the paypal button on the top right of our blog, or mail a check directly to Lifesong (info is along the side of the blog).

Amazon is still providing ways to fundraise, currently offering a great payout for each free Prime trial if you use our link (there's a specific code embeded in the link for our account to get credit), as well as if you use our link to order from Amazon we will get 6%-10% of all purchases!

Huge Praises:

*Every piece of our 1,000 piece puzzle has a name on it! Thank you to each person who helped us reach our goal!

*We reached our goal of $2500 in order to receive our full matching grant!! Thank you for each of you who gave so generously!!!!

Please pray for us to not loose hope and to persevere on! We are continuing to live frugally in order to save up as much as possible too and looking at any other creative, mutually beneficial, fundraising ideas that might be out there! :) We know we've already asked so much of our friends and family and don't want to wear out our friendships!!!

Most of all we crave your prayers! Adoption is not for the faint of heart! There still continue to be ups and downs. Hopes of having a birthmom look at our profile, to the disappointment of finding out she chose someone else. We know that no matter how long we wait, our child will be waiting for us at the end of this journey.

Continuing in HOPE,
The Kroekers

Amazon.com helps us fundraise!!! And at NO cost to you!!!

We are still continuing to fundraise in FAITH that God will provide again for a baby HE has picked out for us!

If you haven't signed up for a FREE 30 day Prime trial with Amazon through our fundraising link, now you have the opportunity to and instead of just $2 we will receive $10 for each free trial!!! How's that for starting the new year right!? Costs you NOTHING and helps raise $10 towards our adoption!!!!!

To sign up for the free trial click: Prime HERE  for Prime Video click:  VIDEO HERE

Note: in order for us to get credit you have to use these links that have our code embedded in them!

What an easy way to help us out!!!! And if you only want the free trial then just remember to cancel before your 30 days is up! You don't even have to use the prime trial for the full time if you choose not to. Once you sign up, you may cancel right away or anytime within the 30 days and we still get the $10 promotion for you signing up!

If you already have a prime account, we'd love it if you could pass this on to anyone you know who might enjoy trying it out! Remember there's soooooo many movies, shows and lots of kids shows too, that you can stream for FREE when you have amazon prime!!


What does Amazon's Prime program do:
* Instantly watch over 40,000 movies and TV episodes with titles for everyone
* Borrow books from the Kindle Owners' Lending Library
* Get unlimited FREE two-day shipping with no minimum order size

The news we weren't expecting to recieve

How do you move on from loving a child of a future hope? How do you continue on, to reignite a passion for something so deep inside of you? You rest in His glory and not your own. “….rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer” Rom. 12:12

This week we thought we were growing our family by one more. As it played out, the birthmother chose to keep the baby instead of choosing an adoption plan. The struggle the birth mom had in choosing adoption or parenting the baby is incomprehensible. Pray for the salvation of this mom and her children. We are confident through Christ, that our interactions with her expressed the deep love for our Savior and desire to share in that with her.

Just as we were getting geared up for a pushed back due date of November 13th, we got word that our birthmom 'S' had her water break and they were going to do a c section. Baby was born at 6:28 on November 3rd. We had just finished celebrating Cheyenne's birthday with all our family and raced around packing our bags, taking Karis to her cousins for a sleep over and Cheyenne & I headed to Wichita to wait to meet our hopeful baby girl. Birthmom wanted her space, which we respected. Monday we were privileged to meet the sweet baby girl and visit with S and her 10 year old daughter. She was perfect, beautiful & had our hearts immediately. After we visited, our social worker & lawyer shared that S was having second thoughts about choosing adoption. We decided to give her space so she didn't feel any pressure from us. So for the next 30 hours we gave her space. Monday afternoon we found the perfect spot to pray and rest in God's presence (pictured. yes it's really where we were!) and wait on His timing for everything.  We found peace knowing that no matter what happened at the end of the day, one family would be heartbroken. Either us, or S's. One mother would hurt. I knew we could handle heartbreak again, we've been through it before, we have an amazing support system around us. S doesn't have a relationship with the Lord, a faith at all, nor any family that we knew of at the time that would help her through it. Monday night ended without any resolve. We still didn't know what S would decide and all we could do was to pray for her. This was not a decision she should take lightly and we knew her heart could be in such turmoil. Tuesday early morning we went out, grabbed coffee and headed to the mall where we probably walked over 20 times, trying to keep ourselves busy and from over thinking things too much. By 9am, we'd heard that S had changed her mind back and forth 3 times in the past 12 hours and still hadn't made a final decision. At 3:30 we met our social worker over at the hospital to go talk with S. While we waited in the hallway, J went into speak with S. S told her that she'd decided to keep the baby, and was going to go back to Texas to stay with a friend while she figured things out. Our hearts broke. We tried not to fall in love with that precious baby girl, but we already had. She was not meant to be ours, God had a different plan for her, and us, than we expected. 

We drove home with broken heats, but already feeling the prayers of so many. We knew that no matter how stormy the waters of this situation felt, that God was till God and is still on His throne. 

We when to get Karis from Chy's brother's family and decompress with them and prayed for wisdom for when she would start asking questions about where baby sister was. Only a few minutes into our visit when her arms came around my waist and she asked "Mommy Daddy wheres my baby sister". As our hearts broke again I told her that God wanted us to wait a bit longer. And that's the truth, we just have to keep waiting, never giving up hope. 

At face value, we experienced a loss. Yet in the Father’s plans,we trust and consider it part of His purpose. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” Prov . 19:21

The love, encouragement, and support from our friends and family are overwhelming. We are grateful in the deepest way, to be a part of such a community, where a dream can be shared. We are even more humbled in your desire to share in our sadness when that dream shatters. Thank you for wrapping your arms and hearts around us and journeying with us. There is MORE journeying to be done! We will continue in the adoption process as we wait for our adoption agency to match us with another birthmother.

From the beginning, the end goal was not to gain a child, but to bring glory to Him in the journey. “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” W. Catech.

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2

"
He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; his understanding is infinite. " Psalm 147:3-5

We WILL rejoice in hope, as Colossians 1:27 says “…Christ in you the hope of glory.”

We WILL persevere in tribulation, as Rom. 5:3-5 says “…suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

We WILL be devoted to prayer, as I Thess. 5:17 says “pray without ceasing.”

In His service,

The Kroekers

Counting down

The last time I wrote about counting down we were looking at a November 5th arrival. Since then, and I apologize for not updating you all sooner, Birthmom went in for her weekly checkup and Buttercup was measuring small so they extended out our due date till the 16th of November and have scheduled our c-section for November 13th!  So we have 12 days till Buttercup (we'll share her real name when she's finally in our arms!) is here!!!

So having an extra 2 weeks to wait...what do we do?! You'd think my house would be spotless from how I typically stress clean, but no...we have a toddler who's favorite way of playing is to take every toy possible out so she can see them! At least the laundry is semi-caught up with!

We've been enjoying the extra time as a family of 3 before we become 4, doing things to make memories with our Buggaboo! She's so excited to become a big sister! We got her a big sister book that she's wanted read to her over and over.

Please continue to pray for Birthmom that she can find a place to live and have a job lined up. She's been worrying about it.  I know how much she wants this to be a fresh start for her, and having those two things in place will really help her feel that it is, and that choosing adoption is helping her find her fresh start.

57,000 minutes

1 month, 1 week, 3 days. 5.71428571 weeks.  40 days. 960 hours. 57,000 minutes (approx.) Now matter how you break the time down, it's coming up soon! That's how long until Buttercup (baby #2) is due!
Yes I'm counting. Yes, I keep track. Yes I have a countdown app on my phone. Yes no matter what I do, I WILL be keeping track! I can't pretend not to.

We are excited. Holding things as loosely as possible, but there's no denying the excitement in our home! We talk about Buttercup a LOT!  She's in our prayers, our thoughts & plans! We are looking at our calendars and all plans are made keeping in mind she's going to be making her grand entrance in just over a month! We are making extended family plans for visits and holidays with a newborn in mind. It's exciting, and nerve wracking as we anticipate life with TWO little girls! Even Karis talks about her! Only once has she said she's not ready. Other than that, she already has her long list of how she's going to be "big sistah hewper" (big sister helper): give her a bottle, throw away diapers (she's getting practice with this already with the little girl I watch 4 days a week), rub her back, brush her hair (yes, Karis is CONVINCED that Buttercup is going to have LOTS of hair at birth), sing her lots of songs, and make sure everyone is quiet when baby sister is sleeping! It's seriously the most precious thing to hear her tell me in her best big sister voice all these sweet things. My heart is overflowing.

Baby clothes & blankets are being sorted, washed, & hung. Cloth diapers are being stripped & stuffed. Even though Buttercup is our second girl, our girls are/were born in different seasons, and even if it was similar times of the year...we now live in Kansas! Big weather difference! Bins of baby items are spread out and the nursery looks like a baby boutique exploded in it! It's so fun! I always knew we'd have girls, but I never realized I'd embrace pink, lace & frills as much as I'm loving it!!! :) Bows, frilly dresses & skirts...yup my girls have lots of those!!! :)

As we are filled with excitement and anticipation, someone else, very important in this process is making plans for after Buttercup is born. Birthmom. S is making plans for her and her daughter I. She's been looking for a job, a car, a new place to live closer to where she wants I to go to school, and a new place to begin their lives, have a fresh start as she says. So in the midst of our excitement we very much think of her and pray for her. As we are anticipating new life and family growth, she's anticipating loss. We will be carrying a baby home in our arms. Her arms will be empty when she leaves the hospital. My heart already aches for what she will be going through. Yes she's choosing an adoption plan (she's not "giving up" her baby) for her baby, but honestly, keeping the baby is the easier decision. Choosing another family to raise a child you love and want the best for is the most selfless, difficult, heartbreaking decision anyone could make in this situation. She is a woman of honor in my book. My girls are going to grow up hearing the name of their birthmoms spoken in love.  S does not share much about what she's going through emotionally as she prepares for placing Buttercup in our family, but she does allow for us to pray for her, and has asked for prayer in finding a job, house & car. So I honor that request and daily pray for her, and pray for her heart. Please join us in praying for her. S is a very strong woman, who's already faced lots in her life, and I know she's strong enough, but I also know she needs Jesus. And I know Jesus loves her. Please pray that in these next 40 days and beyond that we can be the hands and feet of Jesus, or "Jesus with skin on" as I heard said once.

James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Adoption Matching grant!!!!

This is a HUGE announcement!!!!!! We are in Awe of God's blessings towards us!

Lifesong for Orphans has generously awarded us at $2500 matching grant! Now that's not $2500 that they're sending our agency immediately, but for every dollar given towards our adoption through Lifesong, they will match it dollar for dollar until they have donated the full $2500. That means we have the potential to receive $5000 towards our adoption!! How amazing is that? We would be honored if you would prayerfully consider joining with us to maximize the full potential of this matching grant! Any amount helps!!! All you have up do is give through our Lifesong account! (Info below) Our goal end date is October 30th!!

 Here's a letter from the Vice President of Lifesong on our behalf:

September 16, 2013

Dear church, family, and friends of Cheyenne and Alison Kroeker, 

God desires orphans of all nations to be adopted into Christ-honoring families so they can hear the Word of God and ultimately be adopted into God’s eternal family through faith in Jesus Christ. While God calls us to fulfill James 1:27 and “visit the fatherless” not all are called to adopt. Some are called to pray, some to give financially, some to go on mission trips, and some to adopt.
Lifesong for Orphans is a non-profit Christian ministry dedicated to help meet the needs of orphan children around the world, and to obey God’s call to “visit the fatherless...in their affliction” (James 1:27). With over 147 million orphans worldwide, Lifesong seeks to mobilize the Body of Christ to love and care for orphans. Lifesong serves families, churches and orphans through adoption funding. Additionally, Lifesong brings joy and purpose to orphans globally in seven countries and domestically through foster care initiatives. Please visit our website (www.lifesongfororphans.org) for more information.
Cheyenne and Alison have sensed God’s call to care for the fatherless and have joyfully stepped out in faith and obedience to adopt a child from the USA. As you may already know, adoption can cost $25,000-$35,000, and this financial burden prevents many godly families from adopting. Lifesong believes God has called this family to adoption and has committed an Adoption Matching Grant of $2,500 to help bring this child home.
Funds donated to Lifesong for Orphans will be given to help cover adoption expenses. Lifesong is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization and your gift is tax deductible. 100% of all funds raised will go directly to cover adoption costs--nothing will be taken out for Lifesong for Orphans administrative costs.
Will you invest financially in the life of this child? It will be an investment with eternal return. God bless you for laying your treasures up in Heaven.

For His Glory,
Andy Lehman Vice President 
 



To Give by Check
Please make checks payable to Lifesong for Orphans.
In the memo please note your gift preference with Family Account Number and Family Name.
(ie: Preference #4013 Kroeker) 

Please mail checks to:
Lifesong for Orphans PO Box 40
Gridley, IL 61744
Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all US administrative and fund-raising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the need...helping orphans. 


To Give Online
1. Go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate
2. Select Give to an Adoptive Family
3. Complete online form and fill in Family Account Number & Family Name Fields(#4013 Kroeker)
*Please note that PayPal will charge an administrative fee (2.9% + $.30 USD per transaction). Your donation will be decreased by the amount of this fee.

Individual donations $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax- deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250 will gladly be sent upon request.
Lifesong is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organization.
If you have any questions about donations please contact us at info@lifesongfororphans.org.
“How blessed is he who considers the helpless...” Psalm 41:1

Good News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're at the sage where when the phone rings I hold my breath and check caller ID.  I never know who might call, or what news they might share. :)

This morning the phone rang. Caller ID read "LifeSong for Orphans".  This is the organization we had applied for a grant through, and I knew we were going to be hearing soon if we were going to be awarded one. I was nervously excited when I answered. Becky was on the other end and she was wanting to know how things were going & how our birthmom was doing. Then...she said she'd received the decision back the board had made about our file...

And the news is..........

We have been awarded a $2500 matching grant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now $2500 might not sound like much, but that's where the matching part comes in! For those unfamiliar to matching grants, this means that every dollar up to $2500 donated towards our adoption through our Lifesong account. Which in the end means $5000 towards our adoption costs!!!!!!!!!! and $5000 is HUGE!!!!!!! Especially when we've only $6000 left to raise!!!

How great is our GOD for providing!!!!!!!! We're blown away by Lifesong's generosity. We know there are so many well deserving families who need help funding their adoptions & we're humbled that we were chosen for this matching grant!

I'm going to put together all the info in a following blog post! In the mean time...PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

We'd love if you'd rejoice in God's provision with us above all else!!


Blessings,
Alison, Cheyenne & Karis

Shopping for a cause!!!

Another Fundraiser!!!! And this one is FUN!!!!

Don't you just love the products that Pampered Chef puts out??!! Has there been a piece (or a few!) that you've been eyeing or wishing for but you just haven't ordered yet? Well here's your chance!!! You can buy it and 10-15% goes towards of setting our adoption costs!! How awesome is that!!!

Here's all the info you need:

This is an online Pampered Chef Fundraiser to raise funds for the Kroeker family to help off-set the costs of adoption. So why not start your Christmas shopping early while helping with such a beautiful occasion! The fundraiser will close September 29th so be sure to get your order in before the end of the month!
Here's the magic link guys!!! www.pamperedchef.biz/mreinbold
You'll click SHOP ONLINE, enter Alison Kroeker in the host name spot!
~Pay online with credit/debit cards
~ANYONE in the US can order! So SHARE this link and Alison's host name for others looking for kitchen tools!
~If you live close to Alison or see her occasionally, choose "ship to host" to get the awesome shipping rate for parties!
~If you can't afford to purchase items, you can still donate without spending any money! Contact me to set up your own catalog/cooking show--for each party booked, Pampered Chef adds an additional $3 to the donate money!! How awesome is that!!