Thursday, February 6, 2014

5 weeks, 3 days....

We are counting down again. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but then I decided that if God is on this roller coaster with us, then I need to have faith and jump in! :) Easier said than done.

The last time I wrote a count down post was days before my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I've been reflecting a LOT over the past week.  1 week ago last night we spoke with S on the phone for the first time and became officially matched; committed to each other throughout this adoption process.  Over the past week she and I have gotten to know each other a bit better through phone calls and texts. She is a sweet young woman. A woman our daughter will be proud to call her birthmother.

My head has been a mix of emotions and thoughts the past few days. What if S can't go through with this? What if we get our hearts broken again? What if ___? What if? What if?  I've cried out to God asking Him all my what if's, not expecting to hear a response, though at the same time desperately wishing for an audible voice responding to my cries.  This morning Karis and I were having our morning Bible time and through the verses I read I knew I was receiving my answer.  Even if my "what if" happened, or any of them did for that matter, what then? Would God leave me alone to figure it out? Would He abandon me? No way!!! He never will! This is all part of HIS plan! The good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow.

A sweet friend humbled me to my knees this morning when she told me I was a godly example to her and if any good has come out of our failed adoption in November, is that it's taught her so much about trusting God and having faith. Who am I to be a godly example? I fail daily. But what has stuck with me all day as I jumble her words over and over in my head and heart, GOOD has come out of that pain. Already! Only 3 months later. And yes, I know other good has come out of it, but to tangibly feel it this morning was humbling, because who am I that God would choose to use me to glorify himself?

How does what happened in November effect how we respond to this new possibility? Do we hold back to protect our hearts just in case? Do we embrace the excitement, planning and joy sharing of preparing for a new baby? Is there a middle? I've been trying to figure this out since last week, and all I can come up with is this: if this is God's plan for growing our family, if this is the baby girl God has picked out for us, then holding back would diminish the Glory due to God. And if this doesn't work out, then God will be there to help us pick up the pieces again, and we will be surrounded with the best support system in those around us ever created!

Reading back over what I've written, I think it's more of a 'writing to process the craziness in my head' journalling than anything. ;) So pardon me if I'm not making sense! :)

Monday, February 3, 2014

And here we go again.....holding on tight!!!

Dear family and friends,

Remember that roller coaster ride we all decided to get on to many months ago?
Would you please come aboard with us again?
Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.
On Wednesday night, we were blessed to have a heartfelt conversation with a birth mom (S) residing in the KC area. She is due on March 16th! And it's a girl!

As our time with S over the phone progressed, we began to see a heart, not only concerned for her unborn baby, but also for our family’s heart. She intimated that she knew of the pain we had just experienced and assured us that this would not result in that. Though it was music to our ears, we know full well where our assurance rests.

We traveled to KC to stay at Alison’s brother’s place this past weekend. Then Saturday morning, where we introduced ourselves to the birth mom and began a journey of connection that will be lifted palms up to the Lord. We are committed to expressing our devotion to Christ.

Our time with S and her mother L was wonderful! They both have wonderful faith in our Lord and know that He is in the midst of all of these plans.  She is living on the bare minimum and isn't asking for much assistance at all. We are making sure that her needs are met. She is living with her mother currently and will until she finds a job in a couple months. It's a blessing for her to have her mom, who is so proud of her and the strength neither of them knew was in S! L is super supportive of S's decision to choose adoption & is wanting to help the process in any way she can.  At one point in the conversation Cheyenne felt the Spirit strongly impressing upon him to express our commitment to this baby and her in this adoption process.  The relief that was visible on S & L's faces nearly brought us to tears. They were so afraid we might be the ones to change our minds. S wants us to start talking about "our baby". She said her perspective is that God chose this baby for us the moment she was conceived! What a gift!!! Her wish is that our relationship with her progress naturally and that we can all enjoy the excitement of our daughter's nearing birth!

We are staying in close touch, and even since Saturday's visit, S has been texting and calling Alison frequently, getting to know each other & getting comfortable with each other. S has a beautiful heart! She's been through so much and sees God redeeming so much in her life through this adoption! 

There is so much that would be so exciting to share, and as the Lord leads we might, but for now we hold the rest closely to our hearts as it is our daughter's story to one day tell! I would never want to steal that from her! 

As we progress through the next few weeks please be living us all up in prayer!

Pray for opportunities to share the power of His truth in love.
Pray that we will be sensitive to her needs.
Pray that there are opportunities to point her to scripture that assures us of our eternal position through our spiritual adoption in Christ.
Pray for our hearts and emotions.

Psalm 125:2

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
    so the Lord surrounds his people
    both now and forevermore.

Thank you for your love and support through this! We are blessed beyond measure!
Cheyenne, Alison and Karis