How do you get through the loss of something that wasn't quite yours to begin with?
This question is running over and over through my thoughts. I honestly don't have the answer to that question. I've tried and tried, but all I've come up with is that it takes FAITH, and more FAITH to trust God and walk in belief that God is in control when the situation seems such a mess.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Last week we experienced a failed adoption.
Some of you know exactly what this means and the heartache that goes with it. Some of you might not, so I'll explain a bit. A failed adoption is when there is an attempt to adopt a child and it doesn't work out. In our case, from match to failure happened over a span of 36 hours.
A quick synopsis: Wednesday morning an adoption agency that we'd put feelers out to back in August contacted us that there was a baby boy due any day that needed an adoptive family. We were matched with the birth mother officially that afternoon. For 24 hours we rushed around pulling out baby gear, clothes & blankets, setting up cradle, borrowing baby boy clothes from my sister in laws, trying to pick just the right name & getting ready to bring "our" son home. We called family to share our news, and even got to FaceTime with my parents who were in Cambodia. Everyone was so supportive and willing to pray and help us in any way they could. We wanted them to know what was going on, even in spite of the risks, because we knew we'd need them if things fell apart. Our amazing church family rallied around us to help us prepare and try to figure out how to raise the money we'd need for adoption fees in less than the 2 months till finalization. (yes things happen much quicker here than in California!) Then Thursday afternoon our agency contacted us that the birth mother was already working with another couple and wasn't being honest about the situation. We were crushed, broken hearted, devastated to say the least. BUT we were glad to know that we wouldn't be bringing a baby home that was meant for another couple, when you look at the big picture. We knew there could be risks, there always are with a domestic adoption. We were beyond blessed with an easy adoption for Karis. I've a dear friend who experienced a couple failed adoptions, as well as my older brother had a difficult adoption journey, and I've seen the pain they go through, and the fear of trying again. That unborn baby boy was not placed in our arms, but he still reached int our hearts so quickly. We still bonded, dreamed dreams and anticipated his birth as an amazing thing, trusting God to guide our steps.
All day Wednesday I strongly felt that no matter the outcome, we should move forward in this until God closes a door. So we did, hearts open, excited at the possibility of having a son :) and Karis having a baby brother! So now, how do we let go of a dream that wasn't officially ours?
Cheyenne said it best. He said we are called to live a life of obedience. As a couple we've been very proactive in making sure we are available to God for whatever He calls us to. Whether it's being willing to move overseas, open our home to whoever needs a place to live, following God's call to move our family to Kansas, pursuing both adoption & fostering (we're 7 weeks into our foster care classes!) so we can grow our family and to give children in need a safe & loving home, or anything God has for us, we believe firmly we are called to be available and to obey. If we obey, then there is no reason God won't carry us through the difficult times. Yes there is sadness, yes there were (still are) tears being shed, but through the grieving process we refuse to take our eyes off our God.
It's hard to know if it's worth opening up our hearts, becoming attached to the possibility of having another baby, when the risk and heartache are so great. And after going through the past week, I know that it is. It is worth it. Especially when we are surrounded by our amazing family & church community who surrounded us with comfort Sunday at church. We are desiring to get involved with helping our church start an adoption ministry, and maybe we needed to experience this to be able the help another couple through a failed adoption at some point.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
We've lost babies, lost grandparents, lost a parent, and now we've lost the possibility of adopting this baby boy. But we won't give up, we're continuing in the adoption process, wanting to remain available to God. We pick up the pieces and keep going. Life is an adventure, highs AND lows!
This is my truth for today: GOD IS FAITHFUL!
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."