But no amount of planning, lists, organizing, and rewriting lists can drown out the deafening silence that threatens to cave the sides of my head in at 2 am when I can't sleep and all I can think about is our impending move. ("He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”" Psalm 46:10) My mind whirls around trying to picture what goodbyes will be like, what the long drive to Dorthy-ville will be like with a very energetic toddler, what it will be like to set up our new home, what the sound of the country will sound like again (haven't heard that since I was 12), what it'll be like to be the "new family"
But does embracing His will for my/our life mean that I can't be anxious, worried, angry, or filled with that anguish? Nope! For HE created me, he created my emotions. And after all..."Jesus wept" (John 11:35). So He's been here, faced with a life crossroads and knowing what He's being called to do isn't easy, nor would be a first choice if given one. So what is my response in all of this? I cling to Jesus. Cling? Yes, because there are some moments I cry like a little girl begging Jesus to change His mind. But He won't. God never changes His mind. He has a plan, even when I don't understand, even when I hate it. So I cling to Him. "Be still".
Who knew that all these crazy emotions would come out of a simple state-to-state move! How thankful I am for the friends I do have here who are helping me through this dreaded transition. Now don't get me wrong, there IS good in all of this. But tonight, at 2am, I'm just going to be still and know that HE is GOD".