They say a picture can say a thousand words, and this one does and more. I'm having a hard time putting words to my heart feels this morning. Mornings at the lake tend to make me reflect more than I'd planned, not in a sad and crushing way, but in a calm, peaceful, contented way. I went off the grid this week for the first time in years, and it felt restful!!! No phone calls, not checking texts or social media, no checking my phone in case our foster support worker were to call or text, no constant draw of my mind elsewhere.
I was there. There IN each moment. Restful. Content. It's like the feeling of coming up for air after holding your breath so long you forgot that you were. One thousand words isn't enough to describe this week. No having to tell my girls "just a minute Mama is working", no waving to my husband as he heads off to work, no being pulled in twenty different directions mentally. Rest. Renewing. Connecting.
There's always been something about a body of water that makes the worries of this world dissipate, even if that current body of water is a man made puddle! It brings calm. The feeling of the wind on my face, the spray of the water in the air and splashing on my face. Sitting on the sand of the beach while the waves lap around my ankles keeping me present as the morning creeps along, thankfully so slowly!
This past year has been one that it’s not easy to summaries. We’ve had 7 (8 now, since I delayed posting this and 2 more come tomorrow) bonus kiddos come through our door; all for different lengths of time yet all so loved. We’ve added pets to our family, lost baby kittens, expanded our backyard fun activities. We were pregnant again for the 6th time and again the baby didn’t make it past 16 weeks. We’ve taken trips to visit family on both sides of the country, had wonderful family time, and enjoyed every moment! We've filled our calendar with activities, run up the miles on our truck, and overflowed our hearts with relationship! I'm all for being busy if it's relational, which in our line of life it tends to be!!
This year all four of us couldn't agree more on how this was our best lake time yet! We bonded on whole new levels of relationship. My girls are a whole year older, and boy does it change!!! Miss K talks non-stop from eyes open, to brain sleeping! She's smarter than she knows and is interested in everything and how things work and anything that needs to be inspected! Miss R likes to know she's not forgotten about and when she thinks no ones watching (but know we secretly still are), she gets all silly dancing and pretending her own story lines!
Growing up my family had a houseboat and I remember so many many summer days spent on it. Being around water has been part of my whole life! To the point that when I realized Kansas is a land locked state....I cried buckets. Well, cry no more Alie, we have water! :) It may be more pond-esc than one's used to, but it's got water, and waves, and shore line!! :)
Watching my girls jumping in the water, swimming together, and enjoying being with us, makes my heart sing. It's healing balm on a weary soul.
This past year has been tiring. We've stretched our wings in fostering, found our limits, what we can't handle even when we want to, and now we've found what works. But it took a tole too. We grew weary much faster than we expected. But now we've found ways to ensure balance, time to breath, time to recharge. We've found our limits. And found peace within those limits. I'll tell you what, fostering and keeping in mind 1 Corinthians 10:23 (“Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible,” but not everything builds up.) is a daily internal battle. Oh yes taking in every sweet little face that we get a call about could be so good, it's definitely permissible. But...and here's where my heart and my head do battle....just because it's permissible, does NOT mean that its beneficial to my family, it does NOT mean it builds MY OWN children up. Yes it could be good, but at what cost? That's where my heart tries to down play how the challenges of parenting someone else's child can take a told on our original family unit. I can spin things to sound great, helpful for the child we could take in, and what a great thing we could be doing for them. But if our family unit falls apart, or grows so weary in the doing of good, then it really isn't "good". its permissible yes, but neither beneficial nor building up. So without spilling out the rest of the ocean of that back story (like the body of water reference!) lets just say we've found what works for us in this fostering adventure!!!! Some days/weeks/months look different than others, but we stand united and strong together in it! :)
Proverbs 19:21 You can make many plans, but the LORD'S purpose will prevail.
