The news we weren't expecting to recieve

How do you move on from loving a child of a future hope? How do you continue on, to reignite a passion for something so deep inside of you? You rest in His glory and not your own. “….rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer” Rom. 12:12

This week we thought we were growing our family by one more. As it played out, the birthmother chose to keep the baby instead of choosing an adoption plan. The struggle the birth mom had in choosing adoption or parenting the baby is incomprehensible. Pray for the salvation of this mom and her children. We are confident through Christ, that our interactions with her expressed the deep love for our Savior and desire to share in that with her.

Just as we were getting geared up for a pushed back due date of November 13th, we got word that our birthmom 'S' had her water break and they were going to do a c section. Baby was born at 6:28 on November 3rd. We had just finished celebrating Cheyenne's birthday with all our family and raced around packing our bags, taking Karis to her cousins for a sleep over and Cheyenne & I headed to Wichita to wait to meet our hopeful baby girl. Birthmom wanted her space, which we respected. Monday we were privileged to meet the sweet baby girl and visit with S and her 10 year old daughter. She was perfect, beautiful & had our hearts immediately. After we visited, our social worker & lawyer shared that S was having second thoughts about choosing adoption. We decided to give her space so she didn't feel any pressure from us. So for the next 30 hours we gave her space. Monday afternoon we found the perfect spot to pray and rest in God's presence (pictured. yes it's really where we were!) and wait on His timing for everything.  We found peace knowing that no matter what happened at the end of the day, one family would be heartbroken. Either us, or S's. One mother would hurt. I knew we could handle heartbreak again, we've been through it before, we have an amazing support system around us. S doesn't have a relationship with the Lord, a faith at all, nor any family that we knew of at the time that would help her through it. Monday night ended without any resolve. We still didn't know what S would decide and all we could do was to pray for her. This was not a decision she should take lightly and we knew her heart could be in such turmoil. Tuesday early morning we went out, grabbed coffee and headed to the mall where we probably walked over 20 times, trying to keep ourselves busy and from over thinking things too much. By 9am, we'd heard that S had changed her mind back and forth 3 times in the past 12 hours and still hadn't made a final decision. At 3:30 we met our social worker over at the hospital to go talk with S. While we waited in the hallway, J went into speak with S. S told her that she'd decided to keep the baby, and was going to go back to Texas to stay with a friend while she figured things out. Our hearts broke. We tried not to fall in love with that precious baby girl, but we already had. She was not meant to be ours, God had a different plan for her, and us, than we expected. 

We drove home with broken heats, but already feeling the prayers of so many. We knew that no matter how stormy the waters of this situation felt, that God was till God and is still on His throne. 

We when to get Karis from Chy's brother's family and decompress with them and prayed for wisdom for when she would start asking questions about where baby sister was. Only a few minutes into our visit when her arms came around my waist and she asked "Mommy Daddy wheres my baby sister". As our hearts broke again I told her that God wanted us to wait a bit longer. And that's the truth, we just have to keep waiting, never giving up hope. 

At face value, we experienced a loss. Yet in the Father’s plans,we trust and consider it part of His purpose. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” Prov . 19:21

The love, encouragement, and support from our friends and family are overwhelming. We are grateful in the deepest way, to be a part of such a community, where a dream can be shared. We are even more humbled in your desire to share in our sadness when that dream shatters. Thank you for wrapping your arms and hearts around us and journeying with us. There is MORE journeying to be done! We will continue in the adoption process as we wait for our adoption agency to match us with another birthmother.

From the beginning, the end goal was not to gain a child, but to bring glory to Him in the journey. “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” W. Catech.

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2

"
He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; his understanding is infinite. " Psalm 147:3-5

We WILL rejoice in hope, as Colossians 1:27 says “…Christ in you the hope of glory.”

We WILL persevere in tribulation, as Rom. 5:3-5 says “…suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

We WILL be devoted to prayer, as I Thess. 5:17 says “pray without ceasing.”

In His service,

The Kroekers

Counting down

The last time I wrote about counting down we were looking at a November 5th arrival. Since then, and I apologize for not updating you all sooner, Birthmom went in for her weekly checkup and Buttercup was measuring small so they extended out our due date till the 16th of November and have scheduled our c-section for November 13th!  So we have 12 days till Buttercup (we'll share her real name when she's finally in our arms!) is here!!!

So having an extra 2 weeks to wait...what do we do?! You'd think my house would be spotless from how I typically stress clean, but no...we have a toddler who's favorite way of playing is to take every toy possible out so she can see them! At least the laundry is semi-caught up with!

We've been enjoying the extra time as a family of 3 before we become 4, doing things to make memories with our Buggaboo! She's so excited to become a big sister! We got her a big sister book that she's wanted read to her over and over.

Please continue to pray for Birthmom that she can find a place to live and have a job lined up. She's been worrying about it.  I know how much she wants this to be a fresh start for her, and having those two things in place will really help her feel that it is, and that choosing adoption is helping her find her fresh start.